Meet the Family
by 1seddiefan
Summary: Without being around each other, Alex, Dylan, Roman, Blake, Dean, and Seth hang out with their families. Ever wondered what that might look like when they're just hanging out with their families? Probably not, but here's a look into the lives of being with their family anyway. A multi-chapter story made up of one-shots.
1. Acceptance Family

A/N: They may be out of character.

* * *

After Alex had came out as bi to his parents and his older sister, Emma, he kind of worried how the rest of his family will take it. As far as he knew, his grandparents didn't care.

However, Emma had decided to be a foster parent and had legally adopted her foster child Kayla. Emma was infertile due to some type of illness she had when she was younger.

He was at home, texting his boyfriend Dylan. Dylan was telling him all about the game Five Nights at Freddy's Four. So, when the door to the living room slammed open, Alex nearly hurled himself off the couch. He noticed how Emma was standing there with some suitcases.

"Hey, can you help me with these?" Emma asked and Alex left his phone behind.

"Did you decide to move back?" Alex asked.

"No. Some of this stuff is my daughter's too." Emma answered, nearly laughing.

Alex nodded, "Oh yeah."

Kayla was eight years old and has curly black hair. She was looking around the house, curiously, and then looked at Alex.

"Hey," Alex replied. He didn't know the whole story of Kayla, but it wasn't good. It was something about her dad being a male prostitute, her real mother being a drug dealer, and her brother being the drug maker.

It turned out, Kayla wasn't home when the explosion happened in the trailer they lived in. Kayla's parents were single children and both of her grandparents were long dead.

Kayla looked at Alex and hugged him. "Mama always talked about you. You look nicer in person."

Alex looked at Emma, "Nicer in person?" He hugged his niece back, still confused. Kayla pulled herself out of Alex's hug and went into the kitchen. "Any reason why you're here?"

"I want Kayla to see and meet her family for her birthday. She knows her birth family is gone," Emma said. "Help me put this stuff in my room." Alex nodded and did as he was told. "It's her birthday in a few days and I want to celebrate it with her family too."

* * *

Alex realized that it would've been helpful if Emma told him that Kayla wanted a Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland themed birthday.

He was table in the backyard with Emma, Kayla, and his parents. The tablecloth was stitched together, with different colors. They had bought a lot of cupcakes, cake, cookies, and a bunch of tea packets. They had gotten a lot of saucers, teacups, a teapot, and a few small bowls.

They somehow managed to get a few Halloween costumes that was clothing from the movie and the soundtrack too. Kayla wanted to play the soundtrack from a stereo.

 _I invite you to a world where there is no such thing as time,_  
 _And every creature lends themselves to change your state of mind,_  
 _And the girl that chased the rabbit, drank the wine, and took the pill,_  
 _Has locked herself in limbo to see how it truly feels._

 _To stand outside your virtue,_  
 _No one can ever hurt you,_  
 _Or so they say._

 _Her name is Alice! (Alice!)_  
 _She crawls into the window,_  
 _Through shapes and shadows,_  
 _Alice! (Alice!)_  
 _And even though she's dreaming, she knows._

"I know what I want to be when I grow up." Kayla said, looking giddy. She took a drink from a teacup.

Alex moved the ribbon of the Mad Hatter hat to the side.

Emma looked at Kayla, her parents, and then to Alex. She looked at Kayla, "What do you want to be, dear?"

"Bi like Uncle Alex," Kayla said and smiled.

Alex was surprised and noticed how his parents looked like they were trying hard not to choke on the cupcakes. Emma however was laughing so hard that Alex was worried she might fall out of her seat.

"I also want to use wax on someone, like Uncle Mark does to Aunt Tara." Kayla said, smiling.

"Who's Mark and Tara?" Alex asked, confused. He was looking at Emma.

Emma had finally calmed down and looked at Alex. "Mark is my roommate and Tara is his girlfriend. They sort of adopted Kayla too. Tara watches over Kayla while Mark and I go to college."

"Oh," Alex said. He looked at Kayla, "Please pass me the teapot."

Kayla passed the teapot to Alex.

 _Her name is Alice! (Alice!)_  
 _She crawls into the window,_  
 _Through shapes and shadows,_  
 _Alice! (Alice!)_  
 _And even though she's dreaming,_  
 _She's unlocked the meaning for you._

 _This kingdom,_  
 _Good riddance,_  
 _Her freedom_  
 _And innocence,_  
 _Has brought this whole thing down!_

* * *

"Uncle Alex?" Kayla asked and Alex looked at her. He wasn't sure if he liked being called uncle or not. "Yes?"

"Are you seeing anyone?" Kayla asked. "You know, like how Uncle Mark is 'seeing' Aunt Tara?" Alex wasn't sure how he should respond to that. Kayla continued, "Like how Aunt Tara sometimes chains Uncle Mark to the headboard of their room."

"Not like that," Alex replied. He never even thought about sleeping with Dylan and that thought scared him a little.

"Then like what?" Kayla asked.

 _This child scares me,_ Alex thought. "Like..." He wasn't sure how to explain. "Like how in those movies, those adults go out to eat at a place."

"Like dating?" Kayla asked.

 _This child knows to much,_ Alex thought. "Yeah, that."

"Who are you seeing?" Kayla asked, sitting on the bed. She was still wearing the red dress and swung her legs.

"A guy," Alex replied.

"Can I meet him? Do you have a picture of him? Is he nice?" Kayla asked, sounding eager.

"Yes," Alex said. He took out his phone and started scrolling through the pictures, until he found a picture of Dylan. He showed it to Kayla, and she smiled.

"He looks cute. How did you ask him out?" Kayla asked.

Alex thought about it. "He slapped me and I kissed him."

Kayla turned her head to the side. "Why did he slap you?"

"I accidentally insulted his best friend, who happens to be my friend," Alex explained.

Later that day, Emma found Kayla cuddling up to Alex, both asleep. She took a picture to show Mark and Tara later.

* * *

A/N: It was originally a one-shot, but I decided to expand on it more.

That is a real song from the soundtrack Her Name is Alice by Shinedown. I listened to it once in the car and my mom had the song stuck in her head.

My friend once told me that she wanted a Alice in Wonderland themed birthday and wedding. Her boyfriend cheated on her and they broke up. I saw her at my school's graduation and she's fine.

Don't worry, Dean, Seth, and Roman's chapters will come soon.


	2. Awesome Family

Dylan was watching the first Transformers movie in his mother's weapons shop, Magnificent Steel. His mother had handmade all the weapons that was in the shop. Magnificent Steel was where he got his best friend, Blake, the medieval flail and a medieval battle axe for Blake's birthday.

His mother was the one that loved Star Trek, while his dad was the one that loved watching Godzilla and King Kong.

That was before his parents divorced, but that didn't stop him from coming over to watch movies together.

His mother was explaining something to a costumer.

"Dylan!" Dylan looked over at his mother. "I don't pay you to sit around and do nothing! Go help that costumer!"

"You don't pay me at all. I also don't work here," Dylan replied.

"Once you enter this store, you work here," his mother, Ellie, said. "You're also my son, so I don't have to pay you. That'll be child labor."

The customer, a female in her twenties, started giggling.

"Beware, Christmas is coming," Dylan replied. He went to go deal with the customer.

"What's wrong with Christmas?" The female asked.

"They start decorating for Christmas and start playing songs a month early," Dylan replied.

"So we don't forget," the woman replied.

"Yes, how can I forget when they have trees up in the windows and play songs right after Thanksgiving?" Dylan ranted and the woman started giggling.

* * *

His dad was visiting and Dylan found himself smashed between two adults. He wasn't sure if it was wishful thinking, but he was sure his parents still love each other.

Dylan knew that it was his bisexuality that caused his parents to split. His dad wasn't homophobic; he just couldn't handle having a son who was dating another guy. His dad met Alex and liked him, he just couldn't handle it.

It was an easy divorce though. They didn't fight.

Dylan never told Alex why his parents divorced and he felt bad for it.

The credits at the end rolled through the 2014 movie Godzilla and Dylan stood up.

"Where are you going?" His dad asked and Dylan went into the bathroom.

He didn't have to go, but he wanted Alex to know.

 **I caused my parents' divorce.**

 _ **That doesn't make sense.**_

 **My dad couldn't handle me being bi.**

 _ **He's homophobic?**_

 **No. He likes you. He can't handle me dating a guy.**

 _ **So, he's homophobic.**_

 **He never called us names.**

 _ **Why did he divorce your mom then?**_

 **He can't handle me dating a guy.**

 _ **If you dated a girl, would he marry your mom again?**_

 **I don't know.**

 _ **Did you confront him on the subject?**_

 **No.**

 _ **Then ask him.**_

 **I hate you.**

 _ **LOL. You don't.**_

 **I know.**

 _ **:) I know you don't.**_

 **Asshole.**

 _ **Bitch.**_

Dylan decided to not reply. He had a movie-night with his parents to get back too.

He went back to the living room and wondered, was his dad homophobic? His dad never called him names once he came out as bi. His dad never called anyone a fag.

"Where did Mom go?" Dylan asked, noticing his mom was gone.

"To the police station to call for a search party because you've been gone for a long time," his dad replied.

Dylan turned his head to the side, "What?"

"I'm kidding. She went to get some pizza," his dad replied.

"You know, some people at school called me a fag." Dylan said and winced.

His dad, Chris, didn't look away from the DVDs he was looking at. "You should say 'nah' because how do they respond to that?"

Dylan was confused, "Nah?"

"Yes," Chris replied.

"Are…are you homophobic?" Dylan asked, feeling foolish for asking that.

Chris looked at Dylan, stunned. "No. Did Alex plant that idea in your head?"

"Kind of," Dylan replied.

"Why would he think that?" Chris demanded, looking confused.

"He thought you were because you don't like the thought of me dating another guy," Dylan replied. "He asked if you marry Mom if I dated a girl."

"Sounds to me like your boyfriend's on crack," Chris replied.

Dylan stared at him, "Not with me around."

"I don't care if you're dating a guy or girl." Chris replied, "We got a divorce because we fell out love."

"I thought—"

"You thought wrong. I don't care if you're in love with Frisbees or numbers," Chris interrupted.

Dylan was confused, "Numbers?"

"You know, numbers, like one two three," Chris replied.

"Three is curvy," Dylan replied. "I like that number."

Chris was exasperated, "Anyway. I don't understand why people date the same genders. I don't understand. I try to understand, but I just don't get it."

"I don't get why Blake isn't attracted to anyone. I find it weird," Dylan replied.

"I don't think it's weird." Chris replied and Dylan shrugged.

Dylan's phone vibrated, signaling that he got a text message.

 _ **Fine. Ignore me then! I don't care!**_

Dylan didn't know how to respond to Alex's text. Three minutes later, Alex texted him again.

 _ **I'm sorry baby. I love you. :)**_

Chris noticed, "You and Alex have one messed up way with flirting."

Dylan still didn't know how to respond to the text, but he knew how to respond to his dad. "I know Dad. I know."

* * *

After watching a King Kong movie with his parents, Dylan said, "I just realized something."

"What is it?" Ellie asked, putting the olives on Dylan's pizza. She hated olives.

"We bond over giant robots, dinosaurs, Kaiju, and other monsters beating each other up," Dylan said.

Ellie looked at her son, "Yeah?"

"Never mind," Dylan replied.

* * *

 **Don't call me baby.**

 _ **But…**_

 **No. That kind of disturbed me.**

 _ **How?**_

 **It made me seem like I'm the chick in this relationship.**

 _ **You're not the ch**_ _ **ick.**_

 **Good.**

 _ **I love you.**_

 **I love you too.**

 _ **:)**_

 **:)**

 **Hey, do you think caterpillars ever stop making their cocoons and think, "bro, what am I doing this for?"**

Dylan seriously had no clue how to answer Blake's question.

 **Are you half-asleep?**

 **Yes.**

 **Go to bed.**

 **I don't want to.**

 **Bed!**

 **Alright Mom.**

 **I'm far from being a mom but I'll be your daddy.**

 **O.O**

Dylan started to laugh.

* * *

A/N: I don't know how to end this.

I got: "I'm sorry baby. I love you" from Cat in the Hat after Cat called a hoe "Dirty hoe" and tried to lick the hoe.

I actually ranted about how they put Christmas stuff up early in a store with my mom, and a lady heard me ranting. She giggled.


	3. Cannibal Family

There was a few times when Roman realized that should've stayed at his parents' house when his parents went to the store, but no, he decided to go with them, to spend time with them. However, his dad had broken his arm, and had a brace that went straight to his fingers.

So he walked by them, while his parents tried to catch up with him.

"They decided that we need to get mentally evaluated," Roman said.

"How many times did Dean get evaluated?" His dad asked.

"Twice," Roman said.

"How many times did you get evaluated?" His mother, Jennifer, asked.

Roman wasn't sure if he should tell the truth. He decided to go for the truth, "Three times."

His dad, Nick, looked at him, "Three times?"

"It's complicated," Roman replied.

Jennifer looked at him, "How so?"

Roman shrugged, "It's a long story." He decided to change topics, "Seth got two guinea pigs."

His parents knew that Roman purposely changed the subject, but didn't call him out on it.

"That's nice," Nick replied.

"He wanted them to mate," Roman replied.

Jennifer looked at him, "Did they?"

"Yes," Roman replied. He wondered why his mother sounded so interested in if his friends' guinea pigs mated.

"That's good, right?" Nick asked.

"I guess," Roman replied. They continued to walk around the store, putting things in a shopping cart.

"We should get something to eat," Jennifer said. Roman was prepared to duck and cover before his mom throws something across the aisle, like last time.

Nick looked like he was preparing to duck and cover too. They looked at each other and stepped back, out of range.

* * *

 _ **Sometimes I wonder what Blake listens too nowadays.**_

Roman briefly wondered if Blake was into Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana, Justin Beiber or One Direction. That was a scary thought. He nearly shuddered at the thought. He couldn't picture Blake listening to that.

 **What is he listening to?**

 _ **A song that started with 'Turn me on, let me feel you. Turn me on, let me taste you.'**_

Roman actually had no words to describe his confusion at that.

 **That's…**

 _ **From a so-called Christian Screamo band.**_

 **Your cousin listens to screamo?**

 _ **Sometimes. Should I be concerned?**_

 **It's just a song.**

 _ **You're no help.**_

 **Sorry?**

After three minutes, Roman didn't get a reply. He continued walking with his parents and kept a distance, before his mom throws something.

After a few minutes of walking around, Dean finally replied to him.

 _ **Blake told me that he likes a part in the song where something hits the ground and the singer shouts, 'Yeah' in the background. -.-**_

 **That's good, right?**

 _ **I guess.**_

Roman didn't know how to respond. At least Dean finally gotten to the bottom of his cousin listening to a song that started with the words: 'turn me on.'

Jennifer was putting boxes of rice in the cart and Roman looked at his dad.

 _ **Some of the songs that Blake listens to are kind of catchy.**_

 **No Dean. Don't turn emo on us.**

Roman realized what he had texted.

 _ **That's rude. Besides I can't pull off the 'Goth' look.**_

Roman didn't know what to say to his friend, so followed his parents.

"What's going on?" Jennifer asked, looking at Roman.

"Dean is freaking out over his cousin listening to a song with…uh…'inappropriate' lyrics in the beginning of a song," Roman replied.

"His cousin is…fifteen, right?" Jennifer asked.

"Yeah," Roman replied.

"So, what's the problem?" Nick asked and Roman shrugged.

"I think Dean wasn't freaking out, he was just confused," Roman replied.

"Right," Jennifer replied. "His cousin is fifteen. I don't see what the big deal is."

Roman wasn't sure if it was place to tell or not. "His cousin, Blake, doesn't get crushes on people."

"So, he's asexual?" Nick asked and Roman was surprised. He didn't know that his parents knew that term.

Roman nodded, "Yeah."

"I can see why that would worry someone," Jennifer replied. "Now, let's go find some actual food."

Roman and Nick braced themselves, as they followed after her. They knew how she got when she was very hungry.

"You know, you should bring your friends and Blake with you, one of these days. His cousin seems like an interesting person," Jennifer said.

Roman shrugged, "I'll ask him."

"Do you think Blake loves spicy food?" Jennifer replied.

"I don't know," Roman replied.

"Oh. Well, you should ask some day," Jennifer replied.

"Yeah," Roman said. "One day." He shrugged, just not today or at the moment.

He didn't know if it'll be okay to have a fifteen year old meet his family. Hell, he didn't know when Blake goes on a break. He'll have to ask Dean about when his Blake's school breaks are.

 **Hey, do you think caterpillars ever stop building their cocoons and think 'bro, what I doing this for?'**

Roman didn't know how to respond to the question that Seth sent him.

 **Why did you ask me that?**

 **Blake asked me that.**

 **How should I know?**

* * *

After looking around and getting things, Roman wasn't sure how long it took, probably about forty minutes, they finally went to a cash register. They managed to get their stuff checked out.

"I'm starving," Jennifer said.

"We're almost done," Nick said.

Roman waited as his dad struggled to take out his wallet, waving away his wife's help as she tried to take out Nick's wallet. Roman was no way in frozen hell going near his dad's ass with his hand, that was his mother's job.

"I'm so hungry I can rip off someone's arm," Jennifer said.

In a serious tone, Roman said, "Well, Dad's got an arm that he's not using." He realized that he's been spending way to time with Dean to the point that Dean seemed to have rubbed off on him. That thought actually freaked him out. His parents just looked at him, stunned.

 _I should've stayed at home,_ Roman thought.

About two minutes later, Nick finally relented and allowed Jennifer to take out his wallet to pay for the groceries.

* * *

A/N: This took a lot longer to write out than I hoped for. You may have noticed that I may have had writer's block and added in random parts that shouldn't belong.

I actually wrote Seth's chapter first because I had trouble writing Roman's chapter. I found Seth's chapter easy to write.

The 'turn me on' lyrics is from a song called, A Message to the Unknown by blessthefall. It's a Christian Scream-O band.


	4. Jedi Family

To be honest, Dean had always figured that Blake might be a ninja in training. There was a set of stairs at the school when Blake had taken him to the 'Open House' thing that the high school was doing. Attending the Open House was for extra-credit. Since Blake was a freshman at the time, he decided 'let's do this once and never do it again.'

His Aunt Christina was with them at the time and somehow Blake tripped on the stairs. Dean didn't have time to grab Blake's arm as he rolled down the stairs. Blake somehow landed on his feet as he stood there.

"You see Dean, he has the family grace…and reflexes," Christina replied as they walked down the stairs.

"Yes, I shall die in pity of getting shoved down stairs by someone and not standing back up afterwards," Dean replied.

"You're not related to me by blood," Christina replied.

* * *

Again, Dean was still certain that Blake was a ninja when he was at the house and Blake was looking at the iPod. Dylan had thrown a pillow at him and Blake didn't look up. Blake had caught the pillow without looking.

Blake put the pillow next to him on the couch and Dylan started cracking up.

Dean had sent Seth a message.

 **Blake is a ninja.**

 **No! I'm the ninja!**

 **Blake has beaten you.**

 **I will not be upstaged by a fifteen year old!**

 **I like to see you try.**

Five minutes later:

 **Challenge accepted.**

* * *

Dean tossed Blake a bag of cotton candy and Blake managed to catch the bag, without looking.

He had Dylan record the entire thing so he can send it to Seth. Dean sent the video to Seth, to see how he would reply.

Seth's reply was: **Pfft.**

Apparently Seth wasn't impressed with Blake catching a bag of cotton candy without looking. That simple message rubbed Dean the wrong way.

* * *

This time around, Dean had recorded Blake throwing the throwing stars at some targets that Dean printed from the internet.

Dean had pinned the targets to the fence and had recorded Blake throwing the stars. A few times, Blake didn't hit the bull's eye, like Dean was expecting. However the stars managed to get near the bull's eye.

"What is this about?" Blake asked, rubbing his shoulder.

"Seth doesn't believe that you're a ninja." Dean replied, after sending the video to Seth.

"So, you're sending videos of me trying to do 'ninja' things?" Blake asked and Dean nodded.

"Pretty much," Dean said.

Blake frowned, "I thought you were testing me to see if I channeled my Jedi abilities."

"No, you're a ninja at the moment," Dean replied.

"Did Seth challenge you to see who gets to be the ninja?" Blake asked.

"Yeah," Dean replied. "He doesn't what to be outdone by a fifteen year old."

"He's basically throwing a fit because he doesn't want to share the title of ninja?" Blake repeated.

"He's younger than us," Dean replied. Blake rolled his shoulder. "Relax; you just overworked your shoulder." Blake nodded. "Some gentle movement should help."

* * *

It was Christina's birthday, that day. Dean didn't forget, but he was glad that Charles left his gang. Charles wanted to barbecue and have a normal birthday for Christina to have.

"We have Scantrons," Blake said to Charles.

"Did you just say Scantron?" Charlers asked, stunned. "Those fuckers still use that shit? It was new when I was in high school!"

Dean looked at his dad, stunned, "You mean they made that shit in 1974?"

"1975," Charles corrected

"Oh," Dean replied.

"No wonder why they felt dusty when I touched them," Blake replied.

Dean had to tell his friends that he learned his dad is older than Scantrons. He had to text Dolph, Neville, Roman, and Seth about this new finding.

 **Today I learned my dad is older than Scantrons.**

Neville replied first, _**that stuff is still around?**_

Dolph replied with, **I hadn't seen those in years.**

Seth replied with, _**that shit used to confuse the hell out of me.**_

Roman didn't reply and Dean didn't mind.

A few minutes later Roman replied, _**what brought that on?**_

* * *

Charles finished grilling the steaks and put them on a tray. "Someone open the back door for me, please." He started walking to the back door as Dean's mother Robin, went to the door.

"Don't trip in that hole," Blake said, pointing to the hole.

Charles nodded and Dean was recording this. If his dad tripped, he would show it to his dad's gang, the nicer members.

"Don't worry. He's not that old," Robin said.

"Despite being older than Scantrons," Dean replied.

"You're still on that?" Blake asked.

Charles tripped in the hole and the tray with the food went airborne. Blake managed to grab the tray and caught the steaks too. Dean was glad that he caught that on camera to send to his friends.

He sent the video, with a message, **my cousin is a Jedi.**

A few minutes later Seth asked, _**does that mean that I'm the only ninja?**_

 **Yes, Seth. You're the only ninja.**

 **Damn straight.**

Dean could detect Seth's smugness in the letters.

"Yeah, he has the family grace…and reflexes," Christina replied.

Blake smiled sheepishly. "I thought I was a ninja."

* * *

Blake was telling Dylan and Alex about the whole thing that had happened. They were sitting on the bed.

"Hold on. How old is your uncle?" Alex asked, resting his elbow on Dylan's shoulder.

"Fifty-five," Blake replied.

"When was the Scantrons made?" Dylan asked.

"1975," Blake answered.

"Jesus, those are old," Alex replied.

"Not that old," Blake replied. "They're probably like thirty five—"

"Forty," Dylan corrected.

"Forty years old," Blake said. "So your parents honestly don't love each other anymore?"

"Yeah," Dylan replied. He sounded upset and Alex put his arm around Dylan's shoulder. He gave him a reassuring squeeze and rubbed his shoulder with his hand.

"At least they don't argue," Blake replied. Alex kissed Dylan on the cheek as Blake looked away.

"Yeah, at least we watch movies together. Not much, but it's still appreciated," Dylan replied.

Blake looked at Alex, "Tell us stories about your niece."

"We talked about it, but I decided that it'll better if I was referred to as an older brother," Alex replied. "Being called Uncle Alex made me wince."

* * *

A/N: I remember using a Scantron in third grade and then not much after third grade up till high school. I remember using those too. It's kind of confusing.

I kind of figured that Seth will get mad at being 'upstaged' as a ninja by a fifteen year old.


	5. Pun Family

When Seth was about sixteen, his parents had decided to go to a cabin out in the woods for Spring Break. The cabin was small so he had to share a room with his parents.

The trees were rustling in the wind, he heard some crickets, and the creaks of the cabin as it started to settle. The warmth and sounds were lulling Seth to sleep. He was falling asleep as he listened to his parents' conversation.

"I can only fall asleep on my left side," His mother, Sunny, said.

He heard his dad, River, reply, "That's weird. I can only fall on my right side."

Seth held up his hand, "It doesn't matter to me. I'm ambi-bed-sterous." He lowered his arm and was aware that he had said something that had caused his parents to laugh. He face-planted in the pillow and fell asleep.

* * *

A few days later after the cabin incident, Seth walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. He noticed that his dad had put some chicken nuggets and tator-tots on a baking sheet to put in the oven. He wasn't sure why his dad was putting the chicken nuggets and tator-tots in the oven, but he decided not to question his dad's choices, even if they were weird.

"There aren't that many nuggets there," Seth said. "Do we have more chicken nuggets?" He couldn't believe that he was going along with his dad's choices. He considered the fact that he was conceived in an alley behind a dumpster. He decided that he wouldn't question that.

"That's a big nugget-ive," River replied.

Seth felt his eye twitch, "Get out." His dad's puns were literally causing him pain. Seth was aware that he made puns to, but he hoped his weren't as bad as his dad.

"Stop being such a pun-k," River said laughing.

Seth actually felt his chest hurt at his dad's puns. "Dad, please stop. It hurts."

* * *

Seth's older cousin, Jennifer, was visiting them. Jennifer had gotten, in Seth's opinion, a tacky tattoo on her arm. The tattoo was a leopard print with claws in it. Seth cringed when he saw the tattoo and looked away.

"What is that?" River shouted, sounding scared.

Seth looked over at his dad to see that he was pointing at the tattoo. Jennifer looked confused, "A tattoo?"

"Oh," River replied, sounding relieved. "I just thought you had leopard-sy."

"Dad, please. You're killing me," Seth replied. He face-palmed and he heard his mother and Jennifer sigh in annoyance.

"Well, don't die Seth. It'll be too damn expensive," Sunny replied.

Seth wasn't sure if he should accept that answer or not. "I'd rather be stuffed and mounted on the wall."

His family looked at him.

"Like that deer head in the cabin?" River asked.

"There was a deer head in the cabin?" Seth asked, stunned. He never noticed.

* * *

Jennifer and her sister, Megan, were in the backseat of the car one winter. They were arguing because Megan had rolled down the window and Jennifer apparently gotten cold. Seth was in the passenger seat while his dad drove. Snow started to fall and Seth actually felt the temperature drop a bit.

"Roll up the window! I'm getting cold," Jennifer shouted at Meagan.

"Roll down the window?" Megan mocked and rolled down the window some more.

Seth actually shivered and tried not to show it.

"Roll up the goddamn window!" Jennifer shouted and Megan looked at her sister.

"Down you say?" Megan asked and rolled the window all the way down.

Seth nearly groaned in annoyance and rubbed his arms.

"Roll up the fucking window!" Jennifer shouted and Seth face-palmed. River was looking annoyed and Seth rolled his eyes.

"What?" Megan shouted back. "I think I'm going deaf!"

"Shut up!" Seth shouted at them. "Guys chill!" He was aware that was a pun. "Never mind. Ignore that. That was a bad pun."

River nodded, "Yeah. That was bad. We don't need to get any colder."

Seth laughed. He was now aware where he got it from, "And I can't say 'cool it' either. How about 'bring it down a few notches?' Wait, that's still about the temperature." They were tired and they laughed. "Here. Let me cool us down." He moved to the window.

"No! Don't!" Jennifer shouted and Seth didn't roll it down.

"Keep that up, I think you're a flake," River said to Jennifer.

"Seriously, enough," Megan replied.

"Yeah, we don't need to drift away from the topic," River replied.

Seth groaned, not believing that he caused this.

* * *

Sometimes, when Seth gets a day-off, he likes to spend time watching TV with his mom. They had binge watched the entire show of Psych. There was a episode of Psych that included the Miz, which really confused the hell out of him.

They were currently watching Dexter. Dean seemed to be bored and was texting him.

 **Hey. :P**

Seth wasn't in the mood to deal with Dean at the moment. He replied with:

 _ ***Cuts tongue off***_

 **WTF!**

 _ **That's what you get for sticking your tongue out at people.**_

 **Or you can try not to cut out people's tongues like a psychopath!**

 _ **Sorry.**_

Dean didn't reply to him, he was probably mad, hanging out with Blake or doing something else.

A few minutes later, Roman had sent him a text message.

 **Should I be concerned that you cut out Dean's tongue?**

 _ **No.**_

 **OK.**

Seth wondered why they always seem to go to Roman when they had problems with each other.

Later, there was a scene where the killer amputated his victim's leg and left it in a public place.

Before Seth could stop himself, he said, "Let he who is without shin throw the first bone."

His mom slapped him and Seth was surprised. He had to tell someone.

 **My mom just slapped me.**

 _ **That's what you get for making bad puns.**_

 **How do you know I made a pun?**

 _ **I want to slap you when you make a bad pun.**_

 **-.-**

 _ **Ha!**_

Seth wasn't sure, but he decided to tell Roman that his mother slapped him.

 **My mom just slapped me.**

 _ **You made a bad pun.**_

 **What?**

 _ **I want to slap you when you make bad puns.**_

 **You sound like Dean.**

 _ **That's creepy.**_

Seth wasn't sure if he should be glad that his friends were rubbing off of each other or not.

* * *

A/N: I was trying to write Roman's chapter, which was actually hard to do. I decided to write Seth's chapter first and found it easier to write, but it was short. So I added a bunch of added descriptions in anyway.

Damn you, Roman. Why did it have to be hard to write your chapter?


	6. Sarcasm Family

When Dean was seventeen, he was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. His dad had recently gotten out of prison, about four months ago. Robin walked into the bathroom and Dean looked at her.

"Is your dad taking a shower?" Robin asked and Dean looked at the empty shower stall.

"Well, it doesn't look like he's in there." Dean said and spat out the toothpaste.

"Okay, Mr. Smarty Pants, ask him if he's going to," Robin replied.

Dean sighed, rolled his eyes, and shouted, "Dad! Are you taking a shower?"

"Well, it looks like I'm on the couch instead of the bathroom!" Charles shouted back.

Robin rolled her eyes. "Now I know where you got your stupid sense of humor."

Dean wasn't sure if he should be offended or not. His dad had been at home for four months, he wasn't sure how Charles rubbed off on him.

* * *

Dean was working at the store where he works at as a cashier. It was Halloween and the manager allowed them to dress up. Dean didn't dress up, but he wore the pentacle bracelet that his Wiccan friend gave him. Most people assumed that he dressed up as a Satanist or a vampire and he didn't mind.

The assistant manager was watching over him because he store was going to close in a few minutes. Dean was checking out the last customer.

"Did you find anything okay?" Dean asked, putting the items in a bag.

"Yes, thank you. I wanted to say that it was really nice to let you dress up. I like what you have on," The woman said.

Dean looked at his work shirt and his black pants. There was a chain connected to a belt loop which held his wallet. He looked at the bracelet and the woman, "Thank you?"

"I understand that you're supposed to be some type of punk rocker, but don't you think that bracelet is taking things too far?" The woman asked.

Dean was relieved, "Oh that. My friend gave it to me because he's a Wiccan."

The woman spoke loudly, "Well you and your friend are going to burn in Hell for wearing the devil worshipping stuff. I can't believe that they allowed you to wear it in a public place."

Dean wanted to explain that Wiccan was worshiping nature, a god and a goddess, don't believe in the Devil, and never sacrificed an animal or human being. It was like his sarcasm mode just kicked in.

Dean replied, "Well, why wouldn't they let me wear it? After all, we all practice together and I'm the high priest. In fact, once you leave, we'll close the store, start a bonfire in the parking lot, and dance naked around it until dawn."

The woman looked at the manager. "Aren't you going to do anything about what he said to me?"

The manager nodded her head, "Yes ma'am. We're going to close the store as soon as you leave."

The woman looked incredulous and shouted, "That's it?"

"Of course not." The manager said and grimaced, "You heard about…our plans."

The staff room door closed and Dean's co-worker, Lizzie, left the room. She was taking her shirt off. She had a tank top underneath, but it got caught in the work shirt so her tank-top rode up, revealing her stomach.

The woman paled, grabbed the bags, and ran out of the store.

Dean and his manager started laughing.

Lizzie looked at them, dropping the shirt back down. "What happened?"

* * *

After the whole Halloween thing, Dean was made to house-sit while his parents gone out for a 'mini-vacation.' He kind of figured that meant his parents went to a hotel room.

So he sat on the couch, watching TV, and trying to draw something. His parents still owned a land-line.

The phone rang and Dean considered not picking it up. It rang and Dean went to answer it. He noticed it was a telemarketer.

"Hello?" Dean asked.

"Is your mommy there?" The telemarketer asked in a babyish tone.

Dean was surprised to learn that he sounded like a child on the phone. He smiled and said in a even more babyish tone. "No, she's in the shower."

"Is your daddy there then?" The telemarketer asked.

"He's in the shower too. They're making funny noises. Should I get them?" Dean asked, trying not to crack up.

"No! Don't go in the bathroom! I repeat, don't go in the bathroom!" The telemarketer ordered and hung up.

Dean was confused at the fact that he sounded like a child on the phone. He put the phone down and moved to go back to the living room. The phone rang and he answered the phone.

"Hello?"

Robin said, "Hey, you answered. Where are you?"

Dean seriously couldn't believe that his mom thought he wasn't at home. "Uh…at Wal-Mart. I took the home phone with me."

"You sure do have your father's stupid sense of humor," Robin replied.

"Do I sound like a child on the phone?" Dean blurted out.

"Well…uh…" Robin stammered out and hung up.

"Goodbye mom. I love you too," Dean replied and hung up. He called up one of his friends and paused when he heard a noise. "Did I just interrupt—?"

"Yes," His friend replied. "What do you want?"

"Do I sound like a child on the phone?" Dean asked.

"Kind of," His friend replied and hung up. Dean called up one of his friends.

"What?" Dean's other friend snarled out.

Dean stared at the wall, "You owe me five bucks. That guy is straight."

"Damn it!" His friend shouted. "You know, I just noticed that you should childish on the phone."

"So I've been told," Dean replied.

* * *

While at work, Dean called his dad. He missed the city bus and he needed a ride back home. He was willing to give his dad twenty bucks for the ride back. His co-workers didn't live in the area and Dean didn't want to bug them for a ride back.

"Hello?" His dad asked.

"Hey dad, are you free?" Dean asked.

"No, I'm reasonably priced." His dad said and started to laugh at his own joke.

Dean looked at the phone, "Mom was right. That's where I got my humor from." He was disturbed at the thought. "Can you come get me? I missed the bus and I'll give you twenty bucks."

"Well, you are you my son. You better have my humor. I would've picked you up, but since you offered me twenty dollars. I'll be there in five." The line went dead.

Dean was surprised that his dad actually showed up five minutes later. He wondered how many stoplights, stop signs, and how many traffic laws his dad broke just to pick him up. Dean wondered, did his dad pick him up or did his dad just want the twenty dollars?

Later that day, Charles never asked Dean for the twenty dollars he was promised.

* * *

A/N: I actually done research on Wicca because one of my characters in my House of Mystery book I'm writing is a Wiccan.

I had fun writing this chapter. Another chapter is up next.


	7. Verse Family

A/N: I know they're not a family, but I wrote just because I wanted to.

* * *

Once she stepped out of the hotel, Becky had learned the car had a flat tire. It made a whole hell lot of sense when they heard that thumping sound the night before when they drove back.

Since it was in the late afternoon, it was a bonus. It kind of depended on when the tow truck will get there and how long it will take to get the tire fixed. Paige and Charlotte were discussing what to do, since they had a show that night and they couldn't afford to be late.

Becky, already thinking ahead, had updated some of the Superstars, Divas, Triple H, Stephanie, and even Vince McMahon on the flat tire. However, she decided to use poem format.

" **A large metal rod has been found,** **  
** **In between my car's wheel and the ground.** **  
** **Though the car's not at fault,** **  
** **The dramatic result,** **  
** **Is the tire is no longer quite round."**

"No Paige. It's highly weird asking Dean if you can adopt his cousin, Blake. Even if the kid does look like you," Charlotte said. Becky had tuned in on that last part.

"If you two can write about Roman adopting Blake as a son, then I can talk about adopting Blake. I know he would enjoy being a part of my family," Paige said. "Right Becky?"

Becky really wanted to stay out of their arguments, but somehow she always finds herself being dragged into them. "I'm sure he won't." Paige glared at her.

* * *

Dean stared at the email that Becky sent him. He was confused on why it was in poem format and why she felt the need to update him on the flat tire. So, he decided to reach into his artistic side and respond in the most appropriate way, in haiku format.

 **"When road debris strikes,**  
 **There is but one thing to do:**  
 **Curse the parking lot."**

* * *

"Damn you parking lot!" Becky shouted as she flipped off the asphalt near the flattened tire. She straightened up and looked back at the other two women.

"Why are you damning the ground?" Charlotte asked.

Paige had her head tilted to the left side. "Why did you flip off the parking lot while damning the ground?"

"Dean told me too," Becky said. "Well, he didn't tell me to flip off the parking lot."

"The guy is a 'lunatic,'" Paige said. "That is why I should adopt his cousin."

"A kid that's suicidal." Charlotte said, "Poor kid."

Becky nodded, "Yeah. Imagine moving a…I'm guessing he's emotionally fragile...an emotionally fragile, suicidal fifteen year old to another part of the country."

"He'll be fine," Paige said. "He put up with Dean for fifteen years."

"Dean's not a lunatic," Becky said. "He acts like a guy that's trying to act crazy. A guy who was no grasp of what crazy is. Would Vince or Triple H really hire a crazy man?"

She had another email, but this was from Stephanie.

 **"I feel for you and I believe you're wronged,**  
 **And blame your car for wheels are not its strength.**  
 **I would go on in this same vein at length,**  
 **But on my desk my daily tasks are thronged."**

"Becky! Do you think my family will be able to handle a suicidal fifteen year old?" Paige demanded.

"Is that kid being suicidal his only trait?" Becky asked, looking at them.

"I don't think so," Paige replied. "Dean won't let me meet him, in fear that I will kidnap Blake."

"I can see you doing that," Charlotte said.

Paige stared at her and looked at Becky, "Do you hear this woman?"

"Yes," Becky replied. "It is illegal to kidnap people, Paige."

She had another email, but this time it was from Brie Bella.

 **"Blame not the victim of dread circumstance,**  
 **Are you at fault should something prick your toe?**  
 **The tire is deflated enough by chance,**  
 **Puff it to round and watch Becky's best car go!"**

"Seriously Becky, you should meet Blake. He seems so nice," Paige said.

"I meet him in my stories. He's Roman's adopted son because Dean adopted him from his aunt." Becky replied, not looking up.

"You can't just make up a real person's personality," Charlotte said.

"I didn't. Seth told me about Blake's personality," Becky replied. Seth was the only one that was a really credible source for her stories.

She heard stories from the other wrestlers, mostly from Randy. Randy had the opportunity to find out that Blake is Dean's cousin and Paige had the opportunity to find out that Blake is suicidal. Seth has the opportunity to actually know the kid and the Miz had the opportunity to find out which movies Blake watched. Dean…doesn't talk about him.

After about a week, it died out. There was nothing special about Blake; he was just a normal teenager. There were other teenagers out who are suicidal, attempted suicide, and successfully committed suicide. What made Blake special?

Paige, Charlotte and Becky had been waiting for ten minutes on the tow-truck to come by.

"This is surprising," Becky replied, looking at the latest email.

"What?" Charlotte asked.

"Vince actually replied," Becky said.

 **"The happy tire revolves the live-long day,  
Never to give Becky cause for slightest care,  
But meeting rod, is punctured; losing air,  
Becomes a cause of grief and great delay.**

 **And now the tire that once was round and gay,  
Is flat and Becky must seek for quick repair.  
She takes her car a new direction where,  
She finds relief but fears the price to pay.**

 **For tires purchased must installed be,  
And lo the seller will total cost:  
Not just for tire but all the special care,  
To balance, mount plus tax, recycling fee…  
Gives cause to ponder all that has been lost,  
Not seeing rod in road and driving there.**

"Vince will not be outdone, so he sent you a sonnet," Paige replied.

"I know," Becky replied, sounding excited. "This is outstanding."

"Almost as outstanding as your hair," Charlotte said.

"Almost as outstanding as Brie actually replying to your email in poetry form," Paige replied.

Becky shrugged, "I like to think that she's nicer without her sister around."

The tow truck finally showed up.

* * *

Becky had sent out one last email to Dean, Stephanie, Brie, and Vince. She had saved the emails and sent it out to her friends and family. They got a kick out of it and some of her friends expressed jealousy about not working at a place like she did.

 **"I pity my friends who have 'normal' jobs with 'normal' people."**

* * *

A/N: I got the idea from the Not Always Related website. Meet the Acceptance, Awesome, Cannibal, Jedi, Pun, and Sarcasm Family.

I got the verse from the Not Always Working website. I'm horrible at poetry, so I copied and pasted the poems. Its from the post There Are Verse Places to Work.


End file.
